Influence and empathy: the basis of winning a tournament

In the chapter "Influence and empathy" the author of "Mafia in the Style of Zen" answers a question familiar to every experienced player: why am I voted out at nine, why are the players I attack not voted, why is my will not taken into account? His answer: it is all about influence. This lesson looks at what influence is, how it is connected with empathy and how to train these skills.

What influence is

The one who can affect the decisions of those around wins. It is a complex of skills that lets you convince others of your rightness, show by behaviour that you are red and collect votes. You bring the team victory and turn your actions into best player points. Influence implies the ability to seize attention, lead other players after you and carry them with your vision of the game.

The author stresses: neither a good agreement, nor a red line of play, nor even a lively mind that works out the blacks and finds the sheriff is the main thing. Influence is the basis of victory.

Describing all the tools of impact would take 500 or more pages within his book. So he does not give them all, but explains the link between influence and empathy as two systems of skills that reinforce each other in persuasion.

The condition of influence: you must be perceived

For influence it is necessary that the person you act on perceives you within his system of perception. Ideally he considers you better than himself not only in preparation and level of play but also as a person in general. Then your position becomes more important in his eyes than his own opinion.

From this follows advice for the blacks: an easy winning strategy for the mafia is to leave insecure players at the table, since they are easy to bring to your side even if they are red checks.

Empathy: how to influence those with an opinion of their own

What to do with those who have their own opinion on everything and do not want to listen by default? Empathy helps win them over. With it you include in your field of impact those to whom your position, words and speech were indifferent.

The author describes empathy this way: about 70 percent (his estimate) of what he has in mind is what NLP specialists call matching and leading, but it is not limited to techniques. The point is that you instantly become a close person for the one you are going to influence. He listens to you and heeds you as to himself and becomes open to influence.

Why simple matching is not enough

Standard matching (mirroring and the like) can in a short time hook only people rather unsophisticated in communication. It works, but not as strongly as you would like. To truly make contact with a person, within matching you must love the one you address. At the very least find something good in him. During matching you can feel what the other feels, and a demonstration of acceptance dulls critical thinking and lets you lead the person. If you "work on" a person without acceptance, he will feel that you are using him, manipulating him.

The author asks you to read the details about matching yourself: it is an important part of empathy.

How to learn

• Empathy: practise matching with leading and add warmth toward the other person.
• Influence: in any good course on public speaking. Among no-cost options, the author advises thoroughly working through ten free lessons by the American trainer Jordan Belfort on YouTube ("Straight Line Persuasion"). He writes that after working through even half you will be surprised by what emotions and what level of trust you can evoke, and calls this training the best he has taken. He considers NLP the strongest system of practical psychology and recommends a practitioner or master course from any good trainer.

This is the author's opinion; we have not checked it and do not advertise specific courses. What matters is the direction itself: public speaking plus practice of matching.

Summary of the chapter

What is described in the previous parts of the book makes you a sophisticated, experienced player but will not put you on a tournament podium. To win competitions you must be a leader, play strongly and influence those around, including the judge.

Practical exercises of the Academy

1. Matching by speed. In a training game pick a neighbour who speaks noticeably slower or faster than you and in your minute match your tempo to him. After the game ask how the speech was perceived.
2. Acceptance. Before a speech find in the person you address one trait that you value and think about it. Notice how your intonation changes.
3. Eye contact. Begin the speech with contact with the one you want to win over and return to him at the end.
4. Leading. First match the interlocutor's style, then smoothly change tempo and tonality: if he follows you, contact is established.
5. Influence journal. After every game write down whom you persuaded, whom you could not and why. Within a month you will see your type of "invulnerable" players.

For the red

A red needs influence to collect votes against the found mafia. Remember that the town votes not for rightness but for the one it believes. If you have worked it out but are not listened to, add acceptance and matching, and only then arguments.

For the black

A black needs influence to buy the deciding vote. Choose for this insecure players and those open to your style, and do not spend effort on the "unbreakable" if they can be removed another way (see the lesson on tournament preparation and reads).

Example (written for the Academy)

Red no. 3 understands who the mafia is, but players do not raise a hand on his word. Before his speech he finds in stubborn no. 7 a quality he values: that one always asks unexpected questions. He starts with the words: "I like that you ask awkward questions, so I want to answer the most awkward one." He matches no. 7's tempo, then names the facts and in the middle of the speech asks directly to raise a hand. No. 7 votes with him.

Self-check questions

1. Why does the author consider influence the basis of victory?
2. How does empathy differ from simple matching?
3. Why does a demonstration of acceptance dull critical thinking?
4. Which players are easiest for the mafia to buy?

Practice

Hold three training games and in each pick one player whom you try to persuade through matching and acceptance. After the game compare the sensations with your usual style.

Typical mistakes

• Expecting arguments to work without trust.
• Imitating acceptance without feeling it: the interlocutor feels it.
• Spending effort on those who on principle do not listen.
• Considering influence manipulation and refusing it.

Source of the idea. The chapter "Influence and empathy" from Dmitry Novik's book "Mafia in the Style of Zen" (2020). The percentages and the assessments of course quality belong to the author. The exercises, example, questions and practice were written for the Academy.